Leaving a relationship is painful and dealing with it in the best way is a challenge for many people. Getting used to a new life without that person involves a process with many questions about the breakup: Will I find someone like him or her? How will I cope with this? Will I be able to? Will I be with someone again?
The first thing we would like to clarify is that after a breakup, whether it is because you have been dumped or you have been the one who has decided to end the relationship or even by mutual agreement, it is normal to feel the way you feel. If you are invaded by emotions such as sadness, nostalgia, anger, etc., and your mood leaves you without strength to face your routine and your head is always thinking about the same thing, relax, it is fair enough and you do not have any psychological disorder or pathology.
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Relationship breakup: the grief
Grief is a process that we have to go through when we suffer any loss, and relationships are no less. Whether you are in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, you have to go through this grief, which will be an arduous path, but it has an end.
It is said that time heals everything, however, it is what we do during that time what really heals the psychological wounds we may have. Therefore, just letting time pass is perhaps not the smartest strategy. Here are some guidelines to make this path a little more bearable:
- Lean on family and your closest friends. It is very important as well as beneficial that we know how to seek and ask for help. There is nothing wrong with looking for some extra support in bad times. It is true that it may seem that we are a burden to others and that what we do not want is to give pity, but unburden ourselves with our loved ones and know that they are there will help us to overcome this bump.
- Keep doing your routine. Don’t let your world stop. If you do nothing, remember that inactivity produces more laziness and that the only thing it will do is to feed our bad mood. If you are in a poliamourous relationship try not to be careless about the others, they need your attention too.
- Allow yourself moments to be sad. Just because you go on without that person and continue with your routine doesn’t mean that you can’t allow yourself moments that are appropriate to cry, get angry or just stop. One thing does not take away from the other. Tears are welcome, they calm us down and can even give us strength for what we do next.
- Avoid social networks and contact. We know it is difficult, but the best thing is that for a while you do not follow your ex on social networks or be aware of what he/she does or what he/she stops doing. Blocking someone from your social networks doesn’t mean that you hate them now, it simply means that you are giving yourself a necessary space, at least for a while. Even if you’ve ended up well, it’s best to see how you’re doing without contact for a few months.
These are simple things you can do to make the grief more bearable, but we repeat that this process is something that everyone who suffers a breakup must go through and that most people do without professional psychological help.
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When to ask for help? Sometimes, grief becomes complicated and is not adequately resolved. This happens when we resort to maladaptive behaviors (drinking too much alcohol, staying in bed, linking relationships with each other without any sense, etc.), we feel overwhelmed and we feel that we are not moving forward, we are stuck in the past. If all this is happening to you is when you should ask for professional psychological help, in order to that professional accompanies you in this process and you to have a space in which to restructure everything that overwhelms you.
By UPAD Psicología y Coaching